Have you ever felt like you’re pushing against yourself? Trying to force yourself into a certain mould within your relationships, social groups, with family or the way you ‘present’ yourself to the world?
It means to try to fit, to shapeshift and contort into a version of you that you think may be more pleasing to others. A version that is perhaps more socially and culturally accepted or welcomed.
There are so many ways that we can push against ourselves. It can look like;
- constantly taking care of others in detriment to your own health and life dreams (i.e., over-giving)
- holding tight to a relationship, home, job (fill in the blank) that feels like pushing against the direction of your evolving desires
- overworking
- saying ‘yes’ to invitations/opportunities when it’s not a true ‘yes’
- ignoring your intuition/instincts
- changing your behaviour to fit into a relationship that isn’t a fit
- general people pleasing for the sake of avoiding conflict
- forcing productivity during day 1-2 of menstruation when your body needs rest
- this list could go on and on…
Most people have done this at some stage in life, myself included. It often seems the easier option at first that might result in having some needs met (love, acceptance, belonging) and avoiding potential conflict. But in the long-run, it doesn’t work out well. Because we’re pushing against the parts of ourselves that want to follow our natural desires; our dreams, vision or impulses. Essentially, we’re ignoring an intuitive inner-sense or voice to ‘keep the peace’ or to have that immediate need met…or sometimes we’ve lost touch with that intuitive sense altogether.
It takes substantial energy to stay in that continual ‘push’, so, not living in a way that is true to who we are, can be much more difficult to ‘maintain’ and to live with than, say, meeting the potential disapproval or non-acceptance from the people in our lives. It also fosters resentment towards those people we falsely believe to be ‘keeping’ us from being ourselves, and the resulting pain or bitterness can nestle deep in the body.
When Pushing Against the Grain is a Good Thing
However, sometimes, pushing against the grain can be a good thing. The ‘grain’ can be a mainstream narrative with outdated views that needs to expand to become more accepting of what has been considered taboo; things like sex, money, death, gender and menstruation.
If you’re a person who feels or has felt called to speak up and ‘normalise’ such topics that have become twisted and supressed since the dawn of agriculture; it might feel like you’re moving against a much larger collective ‘grain’ as you try to go with the current of what feels natural to you.
So, do you choose to push against your own ‘grain’ so to speak? Or go with it, which can mean pushing against something much larger than just you?
Historically, we’ve been offered ‘acceptable structures’ to live by, from external sources, with promises of a successful and happy life if we follow them. In the recent past, that generally would have looked like:
- go to school
- go to university – study, have a bit of fun
- find a job
- start paying back all your debts
- meet your life-partner
- get a house
- have a holiday or travel for a bit
- have some children
- work until retirement
- have fun if you’ve made it this far
- the end
There’s nothing inherently ‘wrong’ with that and for some, it works and offers a supportive structure. But it’s generally not how it goes these days.
Life is more organic and can be so much more rich, deliciously messy and juicy when we stop pushing against ourselves and choose what feels life-giving.
If life doesn’t feel life-giving, then something needs re-aligning.
It is, by recognising the very essence of who we are as individual people, that we can embrace ourselves and find ways of offering this in service to something bigger than our singular selves.
We can do this, by discovering our own language. Something that most of us were not offered through formal education and yet it’s something imperative to our embracing our natural inclinations and gifts so that we can develop the skills that enhance or ‘meet’ those gifts.
The Deepest Fulfilment & the Greatest Meaning
If you feel like you’ve been pushing against yourself recently, and you need extra support to have the courage to move in the direction of emerging desires, or you’ve lost touch with the real essence of who you are…I have an invitation for you.
I’ve created a supportive, nourishing and creative environment for women to explore the truest language of who they are, in the form of my online programme, The Language of You.
Understanding your ‘language’ will help you to not only accept, but truly appreciate and love who you are, get clear on what your natural gifts are and evolve in the direction of the highest vision you have for the next steps of your life. And, possibly even more importantly, it helps us all embrace diversity – the contrasts between us, while highlighting our uniqueness AND also what unites and connects us.
Through exploring the Language of You, you gain self-respect, clarity and confidence while realising that your voice, presence and purpose really does matter. The Language of You holds the answer to your most meaningful contribution in this life. Which, for some, may be very subtle or seemingly tiny…and for others, bright and loud and huge…it doesn’t matter, because it is deeply fulfilling to you and contributes to something bigger than you in the best way possible for you.
We all need our tribes, and when we honour our own ‘language’, we find our tribe in a truer way; the friends, groups and even places where we feel the acceptance, belonging and love we were hoping for all along. We embrace our nature and move in the direction of it, rather than push against it.
I’m gathering a small group of women to go deep – with joy and curiosity. Are you one of these women?
You can find details of the programme here.
Whether you’re feeling a clear ‘yes’ or just a flicker of curiosity….reach out and connect with me here and we’ll explore that together in a one-to-one chat.
With love,
